we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
