"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
