omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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