Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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