I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
