There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
