I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
