i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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