You smell like stripper and shame
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
