they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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