Fine. I'll sleep in my office
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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