no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize