I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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