I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
