so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i've created a new STD.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
