PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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