i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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