we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
