I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
