I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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