I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
