I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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