My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
