wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize