I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
