his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
