The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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