Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
