I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize