I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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