Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
