You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
