3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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