He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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