I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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