just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
