is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
