She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
