Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize