i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
not ubering you a puppy
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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