why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
