While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
