True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize