i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
