Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
