god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
