Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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