i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
