It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
