My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
