You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
