I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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