if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
