I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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