You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
