I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
