It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
