oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
