take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
