just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
