i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
