She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
