My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
