i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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