I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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