We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
