hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
