I want to make a zoo with you.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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