I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
